Missing: Lushington on the Randy. Goes by the name of Dr Walter Gentry, though doctorate incomplete. Last seen at Dirty Dick’s public house wearing a shabby, brown suit. Corpulent and unsightly with piggy eyes and receding hairline. May be dabbing it up with ladybirds and imbibing immodestly. If you see this uncouth cad, please return to Mrs Irma Gentry, Islington.