Downy Blows

More from the desk

Two men, Francis Litcott, 48 and Chester Phillips, 51, were struck by apparent simultaneous bolts of lightning on Wednesday night in Holborn while walking home from a night of drinking and debauchery. Sources claim this phenomenon was not, in fact, an unprecedented act of nature, but the work of Dr Julius Coffin, whose home on Allhallows Lane is reputed to be the repository of a collection of dangerous experimental weaponry, including a weather manipulation dingus, which witnesses claim the doctor has used to terrorise their neighbourhood with unseasonal rain and sleet on numerous occasions when he was feeling underappreciated or unhappy with his landscaping. Though neither man has been directly linked to Dr Coffin, sources say both men worked for Dr Ignatius Fairweather, a rival inventor whom Coffin accused of sending saboteurs to his home to destroy his latest invention, the nature of which Coffin has refused to reveal. Coffin was taken to Scotland Yard for questioning regarding this unusual incident, but as yet no charges have been filed.

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