Downy Blows

The latest from Ellie’s desk and of little surprise to anyone

Agnes Crowley, crude, odious and often unwashed columnist and investigative journalist for the Downy Blower, was arrested for disorderly conduct and suspicion of causing grievous bodily harm to a discontent reader outside the Barking Irons Tavern in the East End last Tuesday night. This is Crowley’s fifth arrest this year for sadistic criminal acts, including the alleged sabotage of the hot air balloon, Bleak Outlook, transporting one Mercy Mark, former columnist for this paper. As with the other four arrests, Crowley was released citing “insufficient evidence,” as all the witnesses and arresting officers failed to appear in court. We have been unable to reach any of them for comment, and no one has heard from them in several days. Thus, the irredeemable and clearly dangerous Crowley is again free to walk the streets. Please exercise caution if you are imprudent enough to leave your home in these troubling times.

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